My Video Games

I killed another man today. Right-trigger, up, X stabbed in his ribcage. Not in real life just in my video games. It's the best thing to play at the end of school days. I pulled out a Mac 10 and fired in the crowd. Took out a baseball bat swinging at a small child. Now I'm defiling women across the street from a prison and they can't stop me now no such thing as a trial. But that's just how these video games work. I live my life causing violence till it's red alert. These characters allow me to be an extrovert. I purchase the daggers with the skulls to give them extra hurt. I joined a group called the seven let me create my own weapon. I'm 13 and able to purchase 3 Smith and Wessons. Started off shooting a double-barreled 12 gauge. Now my skills increased to an AK with saw blades. Started by shooting civilians who never engaged. Now I'm firing at the police and a whole army brigade.

I ran a posse of kamikazes and on our way to a robbery the game gave me a choice, ski masks or masks from hockey rings. I really couldn't choose so I decided to choose both. A gang of triad thugs covering all 4 posts. This only happens when I push start to play. My parents think its too violent but I ignore them and stay silent. I gotta take this new car that I stole from the police and cause a ruckus down the highway as I enjoy my joy ride frenz.

I bought a steering wheel so I can hone in my own skills. Of driving 16 wheeler over a baseball field. I'm doing donuts until I noticed the gas can spilled. So I fire in the gas trail until it explodes and kills. Now all that work needs an end reward, upgrade my pocket knife to a 17 inch sword. Invite my friends over so we can beat the high score. Its the same as single-player but multiplied by four. When this games finished, then it's on to the next one. The sequel comes out next year, that's the best one. But for now I think I'll continue causing mass hysteria nonsense. The new weapons coming out as downloadable content.

More Pain and Success

Looked into a picture of Jesus and saw that he held a smile.

How could someone who's been beaten have that much strength for a lil while.

Indeed he is God's child but I thought I was God's child?

My brain's telling me it can't compute, there seems to be missing files.

Hate on me when I hate myself how does that make you feel?

I gave myself more drive before I clutched onto a steering wheel.

Ladies wanna appeal the sex but can't question my sex appeal.

I told my problems to a southern boy and all he said "mayne fah real".

Little silly band losers, you only a fad guarantee it.

Here an object with pages it called a book go and read it.

Like a pipe I'll try my best to bring the thirst for ya devil hot demons.

I'm sorry I don't respond to beef might as well label me vegan.

I'm responsible for treason, traitor for several reasons.

If I didn't do it the devil might not have gotten that beaten. 

He followed me where I went like he embodied me with a beacon.

His grip me became even tighter than Wayne puttin on sum sequence.

I drove my way through the wall, told them my Family Matters.

I stand for black power like all the Alabammy factors.

Hate on me till you die then hate on me till you casper.

Hate on me when God calls and see me floatin up to get raptured.

While you down there stuck on earth, feet stuck and dug in the dirt.

I'm claiming the clouds of heaven and marking which parts my turf.

Take it back to the middle ages I'mma lord and your a serf.

Lets make it like tidal waves I'm the water ya still a surf.

Food for thought is pointless, all ya gon do is let it rot.

I got WMD and SMD is all ya got.

Before you tell me to jumpoff or go blow it just think about.

How gay it sound for a man to do something with ya lil cock.

I thought I would be finish but the rhyme constantly tennis.

Back-and-forth like it's Wimbledon I don't know how to end it.

Matter fact lets treat this rhyme like a high schooler being a menace.

Give it a stern talking to then proceed to suspend it.

Abysmal Patterns

Tomorrow never promised so I'm watching how my actions go. My dreams are always fiction but the pain I feel is actual. My rhyming ain't vagina but it bleeds to make a bath for you. I talk like I'm on substances I bet that I could act it to. A smile can hold so many evil behind it like a prison wall. The commodities and TV shows have found ways to imprison ya'll. If Illuminati theorist find the devil really is involved. Would good would letting the truth go out in public no one cares at all. Walking down the streets and all you seeing is a runway. People impressing strangers who they never met for one day. Walk into the subway stations and smell the stench of decay. Homeless man just entered only gained enough for one way. Where he gon' go, he only living the nomadic life. Shakes a cup of pennies telling people bout his tragic life. They give a couple bucks so he can go through his day and have it nice. Three hours later he's smoking crack pipes and has a pint. We do stupid things, but be sure of all our choices made. I know that she is underage and I clearly was the one to gauge. My baby hold me down and there ain't anything no one can say. I believe I was the one for her and know that she's the one for me. We quick to defend our love if you say we not in love still. The distance made us struggle but we continue through with much will. Mess with me my baby turn to Carey when the blood spills. I'm on the side scooping up ya innards 'till the jug's filled.

I lay across this dinner table pieces of my body parts. If this is when I suffer then enjoy my last supper. Creativity flow through me I feel I have embodied art. And as you consume my blood you'll be at one with all the guzzlers. She dance around the pole and pickup singles in abundance. A dollar saved today gets her closer to her son's gifts. Mommy can't let the truth go to her son. But momma can't find no other way to pay for all the food to pack his lunch in. Sees her in the afternoon, hardly in the evening. They bully him in the classroom kids are always teasing. She promises to make it to the parent-teacher conferences, but momma still can't get off the pole to rake the dollars in. Lightning seems to strike whenever you feel you wanna punch the wall. To know ya mom don't see ya all emotional no hunch at all. You eat away ya problems just to see if you can munch it off. Open up ya lunchbox realize she packed no lunch at all.

Insight: A very dark tone presented in this song. The songs speaks about how society has been dwindling into an abysmal pattern. Even at times where we find truth, the truth will soon disappear from everyone's mind. The first verse deals with how people will feed into anything that is presented to them- TV, ridiculous theories, or stories. If you have ever been to a NYC subway, you'll get a good idea of the words written. It also speaks about myself being in this abysmal pattern and I acknowledge it so I do not seem like a hypocrite to my own writing. The second verse speaks about a mother who is seemingly not giving enough attention to her child. The child grows angry because of the lack of mothering he is getting.

Angels

Separated by friendship, I gaze at the thought of what might have been.
To go through many trials but never to settle for anything more than what we are.
While I must endure the choices you make, I cannot say I never wanted to be your only choice.
Your non-superficial ways have made me warrant for any woman like you.

These feelings aren't inconspicuous, this I know.
You have shown many times that you are aware of how I feel, but it is my responsibility to make sure they do not cause harm.
Lately, it has been getting more challenging but somehow I manage.
I must, in order to preserve the friendship we have created over the years. 
These words should be forbidden but they leave excruciating pain when left unspoken.

I have enjoyed every moment we have spent together, they leave me to question my own perceptions in life.
Can there really be such a thing as an Angel?
You show signs but why do others not?
You wander seraphically around others, so it comes as no surprise that you have found someone that sees through your exterior.
Oh what I would give to be in the place of your golden gated arms every day.

For the time being, I shall rightfully respect your decisions on the person you have chosen to love you through adversity.
The hurt will have to eventually disappear, as Angels are sure to roam the world in numbers.
Only time will know when I get to meet my Angel and she will love me eternally and express it as much as you have.

Insight: This poem requires much processing of each word. Try your best to understand. If you in fact find it difficult  contact me to discuss the poem.

Rich Dreams

I used to dream about big bills, pretty women and alcohol. Ain’t nothing changed except now I’m doing what I set out to do. I ain’t even reach my altitude. Singing off key so the crowd can boo. But not giving a damn about it all and shake floor till the ground get loose. We see the glitz and the pearls and think that’s the way of life. Not knowing these lil white girls don’t know they left from right. See the dame in pretty clothes but don’t know she carrying a venereal and soon as you see it you gon be hepa-tight. I think I dealt with enough shit to know my latrines well. I’ve dealt with enough jockeys to know they feen well. Do me a favor and jump off, now pick a spot. No matter where I go they always gonna follow me to the top.

Staying in a traphouse that got like 20 different types of weaponry. Moved outta ya momma house and knew she was sickened medically. But you just left to be a gangster saying it was ya destiny. Mom left you with four words of discouragement saying “you’re dead to me”. How do you reverse those eyes from tryna look at you daringly. Ain’t satisfied with ya life so you wanna live vicariously/ through someone else and see you been doing wrong and nothing else. Expecting angels to help you but can’t even help ya fuckin self.

In a time where I long to blow up and reach pinnacle heights. My heartbeat is a constant reminder of why I’m here to write. Out of darkness and into light. That star I’m reaching for is gettin bright. Eyes wide open ain’t nothin gunna go dim my sight. Long as I’m here you know nothing is gunna block my path. Like sitting in the front row desks you know I’mma be ahead the class.

Insight: This was written from my views on fame and notoriety. When people talk about being rich and famous, theses things mentioned in my writing come to mind. Verse 1 deals with what is held behind the curtain of fame. Because we often see celebrities living fancy lives, we assume they are living to perfection. Not knowing they are actually hiding something the public isn’t aware of. Verse 2 talks about what people will do just to gain fame. If they are really obsessed they will forget their life and live out a celebs life instead. Verse 3 talks about reaching the top (top being fame). Many struggle to reach their dreams and I am one of those many people.

Love War Scars

We fighting a love war who will win? Or maybe we just love war is that a sin? Or maybe we can't expose our truest feelings, so instead of talking it out we use war to hold it in. We act as if hate sends its condolences. We shut down all our senses when ever we caught in the moment. The person I loved, I now see as my opponent. Instead of talking to each other we talk to others to go and vent. 

But I ain't gon be caving in. If they wanted me back they'd be breaking backs to come save me and/ if I give up now they'll forever hold that against me. That leave me locked up and bounded and possibly be in enslavement. It's dangerous to not admit you feeling hurt. The pain grow double while your psyche's getting worse. You feeling as if confession is only good for use in church. So now you both awaiting each others apology, who said it first?

Separation's the destination. Not working it out is gonna lead to deprivation. The love is all drained, bones feeling like they maimed. The minute you lose them everyday feel like it rained. What happen to the day you said you catch their grenade? Now you way out there in Mars which your emotions detained. Promising to be with them for years upon years, but can't look at yourself steering clear of all mirrors. 

The bruises now begin to hold value. May not have been physical but hurt comes from all around you. Getting them to admit they were wrong, is about as hard as it is for you to say can't relate to this song. Don't let the sand fall inside that hour glass, reassemble your broken heart even if you glue the glass. Learn from each other's mistake to make it last. There should be no more events where you both reach an impasse.

Insight: Love war, a war between a couple who love each other completely. Many couples face hardships within their relationships and struggle to keep it together. Some couples thrive on the fighting and insults in their relationships. Verse 1 talks about how they will ignore each other as a cry for help. Verse 2 speaks of how one lover wants the other to come after them. Usually this shows that someone does not want the relationship to end. Verse 3 talk about the couple being on the verge of separation. All those decrees about staying together now seem worthless. The last verse talk about hurting one another, both physically and emotionally. It also acknowledges how the reader may, at this point, feel a connection to the song. 

Overcome (8/5/12)

Overcome (8/5/12)

When pain is the glove it becomes super glued to you, cover up ya face feel like crying is the usual. People keep abusing you, fear is what you losing to. Then pain brings memories and share the hurt so its mutual. But we gotta rise above it, hate it then we love it. Pull out that happiness they thought we never would discover. Step up to the plate to see the enemy and confront it. Let your confidence hang around you like a chain leave it studdard. 

Its hard to move on when you think you lost everything. Forgetting memories you thought you'd never stop cherishing. Ones that were joyous times and even the embarrassing. But you only continue on so more memories developing. I understand how the pain feels, the moment it became real. Unbalanced on my feet felt like I had a maimed heel. But I let my outer core just remain steel. They took my possessions but inside me is my heart and that's something that you can't steal. 

It's hard to live this life without thinking bout the drama, living mainly for today cuz tomorrow is never promised. The same was said for my cousin Thomas but he reminds us. That the violence should be suppressed and anything less won't solve the problem. Its easy to take a man than to raise him through this journey. I don't know what hurts more giving birth or him being buried. Seeing him lay there in that coffin really hit me and disturbed me. I cry the same day thinking death wanted to assure me. 

I love you Thomas

Insight: This was written shortly after the passing of my cousin Thomas Martin. He was shot dead in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. It was a tragedy in our family but somehow I did not feel much pain when I heard the news. I never really got to know my cousin, so I couldn't cry like everyone else around me were doing. When it came to his funeral, however, I did indeed cry. The first paragraph deals with overcoming a sadness in your and to not let it run rampant inside you. The next paragraph deals with holding on to the things you hold most dearest to you. These can range from memories or emotions. Don't let others see that you are hurting, as some take advantage of that. The last paragraph is aimed directly towards Thomas  His violent death does not need to be violently retaliated. Watching him being buried looked just as painful as his mom giving birth to him. Death assured me that while I did not know my cousin too well I was able to cry over the fact that someone close has passed away.